Sparrow Speaks: She’s Just Not That into You, Page 1

TITLE PANEL

Decorative title card with birds and swirling designs.

Title: "sparrow speaks: She's Just Not That into You" Subtitle: "by rachel nabors subcultureofone.com"

PANEL 1

Rachel is sitting in a diner booth, reading a book titled "He's Just Not That Into You."

RACHEL: "According to this book, if a guy isn't all over you from day one, it means that he's not interested in you enough, and that you should ditch him."

RACHEL: "Interesting."

A young man with dark spiky hair (her companion) sits across from her.

YOUNG MAN: "But I'm not sure I buy all of this, though."

PANEL 2

Close-up of the young man looking defensive.

YOUNG MAN: "I was all over you from day one."

PANEL 3

Rachel looks at him skeptically.

RACHEL: "You were all over Sparrow from day one."

RACHEL: "I was always your second pick."

PANEL 4

The young man looks embarrassed and scratches his head.

YOUNG MAN: "Well, Sparrow is pretty hot."

RACHEL: under her breath "I hope you get herpes."

YOUNG MAN: "What? I didn't say anything."

RACHEL: "What?"

More fodder for the Rachel-Bob shippers! Notice how I immediately squash what at first appears to be his tender honesty by exposing him as the horny jerk he really is. Take that, would-be happily ever after-ers! I seriously never gave his character a break. There was probably a little post-it above my desk reminding me that, “Bob must always lose. Always.”

I did read He’s Just Not That into You and it helped me come to terms why guys I liked didn’t seem to like me back. Unfortunately, it did not help me recognize when a guy actually *did *like me back, which lead to some hysterical, awkward, and rather tragic Adventures with the Opposite Sex which I quickly grew tired of before putting an end to all the tom-foolery and getting married to my now-husband.

Seriously. Dating is over-rated.

Comments (Archived)

  1. Lauren

    Tell me about it!! I am SO glad to not be dating anymore. And if my Ramiro dies before I do, I’m just going to give in and become a full-on cat lady (but hopefully neither of us will die for a LONG long time <3 ).

  2. Kayla, Aspie Information Droid

    Oh my Bjork, there are other women who are cool with being a full-on cat lady? Sweet! Even though “Catwoman: Guardian of Gotham” was the silliest Batman elseworlds comic one could read, I do like the idea of being a superheroine cat lady with a cat cave filled with supah gadgets and cats. And Matt Smith (Doctor Who)/Ricardo Rodriguez (WWE)-Looking male maids. Rawr.

    Can you tell I’m a single white nerdy female? I think you can.