The Great American Romance Novel, Page 3

PANEL 1

Rachel shows Tuna the worn spine of the book. Her shirt reads "...WS WAS NEVER MY SCENE. ...ND I DON'T LIKE STAR WARS."

RACHEL: "Oh, there're at least five sex scenes in it."

TUNA: "How do you know?"

RACHEL: "See the creases in the spine?"

PANEL 2

Rachel explains while holding the book open, demonstrating.

RACHEL: "When the previous reader got to the good parts, she held it open wider, or held it with only one hand, thus straining the spine and creasing it."

PANEL 3

Tuna sits thoughtfully while Rachel looks curious.

TUNA: "So romance novels are like porn for girls!"

RACHEL: "Eh? What do you mean?"

PANEL 4

Tuna delivers a lecture with various visual aids floating around (magazines labeled "SMUT", "Nekkid Chix", books with hearts, etc.). Rachel listens.

TUNA: "Guys get off visually, so they use visual aids. Movies, magazines, peepshows, strip clubs, erotic Grecian statues on display at the museum..."

TUNA: "Girls get turned on in the head, though. They like to be mentally stimulated with books, poetry, the odd romantic comedy."

TUNA: "That's why it's important for boys to talk dirty and stuff during sex, right?"

RACHEL: "I think that's a gross generalization, Tuna. Guys write naughty letters to Playboy and girls read *Sweet Action.**"

Footnote: *a boys-nextdoor independent porn mag for girls by girls

When I need a kinky romance novel to read, I go to the library and look for the one with the most beaten up spine. It’s a keeper.

Society tries to paint girls as sex neutral, but women and men have about the same scale of horniness. There are guys who aren’t interested in sex just as there are women who aren’t interested. But most of the human race wants sexy times, regardless of gender. And just to clarify, just because most girls are interested in sex doesn’t make it appropriate to force sex upon them.

Comments (Archived)

  1. Lauren

    Ramiro, Ray, Elaine, and I used this page to have a very fun evening on New Year’s Eve back in 2008… Everyone else was partying and getting drunk and the four of us–thankfully not into that scene!–ended up at the $1 Bookstore. No one was there so we were free to speak aloud and have fun. We went to the back and looked at the romance novels, opening them at the deep creases, which, as you said(!), led us directly to the naughty bits. We read them aloud to each other in funny voices. I think Ray’s was the funniest–he read it like a sportscaster. The clerk was trying to hide her giggles too. haha. Good times. Thanks for the tip, Rachel!

  2. Kayla, Aspie Information Droid

    Why can’t I find a way to subscribe to Sweet Action? D:

  3. Rachel the Great

    It’s out of print