Things that rub me the wrong way: The Ex Protection Program, Page 1

TITLE PANEL

Title card reading "Rachel the Great's Things That Rub Me the Wrong Way: The Ex Protection Program" with "With the Fur! With!" at the bottom. Rachel is shown holding Tuna the cat.

By Rachel Nabors

PANEL 1

Rachel addresses the reader with a questioning expression.

RACHEL: "Ever notice how when you talk to someone about their previous relationships, they rarely ever used first names?"

PANEL 2

A man with glasses tells a confusing story while Rachel listens, looking perplexed.

MAN: "Then she decided we were moving too fast, and then her ex came into the picture, and his girlfriend was angry, so she moved out—"

RACHEL: "Wait, which 'she' moved out?"

PANEL 3

Rachel talks to another woman who has spiral eyes, indicating distress.

RACHEL: "Sometimes I do it, myself."

RACHEL: "So, I heard you broke up with—"

RACHEL (internal): "He whose name must not be mentioned!"

WOMAN: "Why?"

RACHEL (internal): "What am I trying to hide or protect?"

PANEL 4

Rachel asks another woman about it.

RACHEL: "Are we ashamed of our previous significant others?"

WOMAN: "No, it's too humiliating! I dated a woman named Gertrude!"

PANEL 5

A woman in a trench coat and fedora stands in a dark alley, speaking mysteriously.

RACHEL (narrating): "Are they in the Ex Protection Program?"

MYSTERIOUS WOMAN: "I can't tell you his name."

MYSTERIOUS WOMAN: "You could put a price on his head."

People are weird about talking about ex-mates. I was in a new relationship with my future husband when I wrote this. We both had exes. Sometimes they were the white elephants in the room. This was my venting about the ridiculousness of pussy-footing around these things.

Comments (Archived)

  1. Ing. Luis Rojas

    haha nice, i have done this once. avoids unnecessary memories i think

  2. F.

    Sexy noir chick is sexy.

    Anyway, I do it to protect their privacy in case I have to vent about embarrassing stuff they did that irritated me.